Broken Soul - Leo Valdez - Depression and PTSD
by HobbitOfRohan
Summary: When Leo begins to feel lost, broken, and useless, he assumes it's just teenager angst. What he doesn't know is that it's a lot more than that: his intrusive thoughts may be trying to reveal something he's been hiding from for a long time. Please do not read if you are triggered by PTSD, depression, child abuse, or intrusive thoughts.
1. Chapter 1

The burden of sadness was a heavy one upon Leo's shoulders.

By all means, it shouldn't be there. But it was. The constant reminder, weighing his head down. Forcing him to fall to his knees in his own thoughts, pleading for someone to comfort him. And it hurt. Oh, how it hurt to look around at his friends and believe, no matter how much he was disproved, that he had no place with them.

Every day, he dreaded waking up.

Pretty dismal for a boy known as the class clown, right? Leo thought so as well. These thoughts, these horrible intrusive thoughts, were breaking who he used to be. He couldn't remember who Leo truly was anymore. The humor was only a mask now. A mask to hide what he felt.

And as if the sadness and self hatred weren't enough, he had been feeling a whole bouquet of new emotions. Most of all, he had been feeling fear. Afraid of everything. Afraid of Percy during sword practice. Scared of raised voices, and closed doors. He often woke up in the middle of the night, mind reeling with "what if"s.

What if his friends secretly hated him.

What if he accidentally set them on fire.

What if all the enchiladas were gone.

Scary things like that.

To make things even worse, he was beginning to experience memories. Memories he did not even know he had. His foster mother lifting her hand to hit him. The roaring traffic as he sprinted away from a car in black. A small girl, crouching next to the playground swings, crying with pain as burns blossomed over her fair skin.

And it haunted him. Horribly. And deep inside him, he longed to let someone know. But he was too afraid that he would be labeled a freak. A pretender. A… psycho. Every time he came this close to telling Percy or Annabeth, or ANYONE that he was scared, or worried, or depressed, his mouth seemed to close up. His heart insisted that, should he tell them, they would cease to be his friend.

And he could not bear that. He could not bear being left alone with his nightmares and frights.

And most of the time, he could ignore the creeping sensation of being alone. But tonight, sitting on the cold tile where Festus once sat, he felt even more alone than before.

And it felt, to him, that the world was folding in on him. Crushing him. Destruction.

The lights flickered in Bunker 9, leaving the room momentarily in darkness. But Leo was not afraid of the physical darkness. No, he was afraid of the darkness creeping steadily into his mind.

The Bunker suddenly seemed empty, and in the quiet stillness, he was alone. Truly and utterly alone.

And his mind entered a frenzied state.

"Failure," he spoke out loud into the stale air. "Failure. That is why no one loves you. That is why you've lost so many foster homes."

He crumpled down onto the ground, the nights work forgotten behind him. The machines he loved so much suddenly felt cold… and distant. He craved the comfort of another human, but camp was so far away. And his legs were weak beneath him.

Hot tears began to fall down his face as his stomach dropped to his toes, pooling sadly. He clenched his hands, determined to keep his eyes wide, staring into the darkness. He shook his curly hair, tears falling unseen onto the cold ground. His fists were tight, eyes clenched.

"Don't let them see, Leo. Don't let them see your pain. You are not worth their pity." His chest heaved and shook, the images of his mother suspended in fire dancing on his eyelids. He suddenly felt so… small. As if his chest had collapsed into itself. As if he was fading from existence.

Darkness held his soul in cold hands, and his eyes burned.

Years of fighting monsters, journeying the world, and being overly sarcastic in front of dangerously powerful gods, and this lonely night had been the thing to bring him to his knees.

He closed his eyes again, burying his head deep into his folded arms. The images on the backs of his eyelids dance dangerously. He sees things… he does not want to see.

 _A heavily scarred man, his fist raised in anger above Leo's head._

He lets out a whimper of fear.

 _His mother's face. The concerned expression as she senses fire._

Leo raised his head from his arms. He held his hands out in front of him, palms facing up. Fire danced along his fingers, warming their joints and bathing the bunker in an orange glow.

 _Murderer._

He let his hands fall to his sides. Sleep overtook him like a kidnapper.

The morning came too quickly. Leo raised his head from his stupor, looking around the bunker. The door was opened. Light streamed through. Panic seized Leo as he glanced around, suddenly aware of the presence of a person in the area.

"Leo! There you are!"

Leo leapt to his feet, fists balled in front of him. His mind went blank with fear, and he swung desperately in front of him. His punch was stopped by a sudden blast of air against his hand. Jason Grace stood in front of him, eyes wide with shock. His hand was up, directing the air against Leo to hold him back.

"Relax, man. It's me. You didn't come back to camp last night, so we figured you had fallen asleep out here again. It's breakfast time, and you need to hurry up if you want pancakes." Jason lowered his hand, and the wind let go of Leo's hand.

Leo could plainly see it was Jason, but anger overtook him and he swung again, fist narrowly missing the boy's jaw. "Don't SCARE me like that!" Leo screamed.

"Whoa, man… I think you're doing the scaring here," mumbled Jason. "What is _up_? Are you okay?"

Leo turned away from him, stumbling towards the morning light outside. "Yeah, let's get breakfast." Sadness continued to overtake his every step, as if a switch had been switched in his mind.

Depression. Is that what it was called? But of course, no one should know.


	2. Chapter 2

Leo made it to breakfast right as the last breakfast burritos were being cleared off. "Come on, man!" he moaned, staring at the empty trays. He watched a nymph take the last one. "I mean.. You could have at least saved one for me!"

Inside he wasn't that hungry, just a bit offended that no one had bothered to save him some. He turned, heading off towards the Hephaestus cabin. Jason watched him go, concerned at the way Leo was twiddling his hands. As if something inside him was nagging. He decided to talk to him later, but for now he needed to go practice swordmanship with Percy.

Leo was glad Jason did not follow him. He did not think he could manage to speak another word without breaking down again. His stomach was hard with a strange sadness, and all he wished to do was bury himself under the covers. Unfortunately, that was not an option. Especially not in a camp designed to train young demigods. Leo was booked for the wall climbing, pegasus riding, and sword designing. He had about twenty minutes before the Hephaestus cabin was scheduled to practice their wall climbing. Apparently, Annabeth was going to be teaching a class on strategy. Leo should have been excited. Like danger and crazy, shaking walls covered in simmering lava was his middle name! He would be happy to show off his skills.

But he had started to lose interest in climbing the walls, or doing any sort of show-off activity lately. His friends believed he had finally started to be humble, but in reality, the nagging voice in his head told him not to do it.

"You are no good at rock climbing, or sword fighting. Go die in a hole. Your friends barely put up with you," the voice spoke maliciously.

Usually, when Leo was feeling sad, there was a God to blame. This time though, there was no one to blame beside his own puny self.

And so Leo turned and strode towards the climbing walls, doing his best to ignore the exhaustion seeping into his limbs. He walked the short distance to the wall, basking in the moment of silence. Trees reached over the path, dappling the ground in a beautiful array of light and dark. The air was cool and refreshing, tinted with the scent of pine. He crossed a stream, a couple campers, and a bridge before arriving to the site.

"Leo!" exclaimed Annabeth as he walked up to the side of the wall where others were strapping helmets to their heads. "I'm so glad you could finally make it. Go strap on a helmet, and get in line."

"Your goal," she began, addressing all the campers, "is to get from here, to there." She pointed at a nearby tree which held a zipline in its branches. "Once you reach the zipline,

She waved at the beginning of the course, "first person start here. You have one minute to complete the wall. Go!"

As the first person grabbed for foothold, Annabeth walked over to where Leo was trying on helmets. "Hey, Valdez. Are you doing okay? You look real pale… did you get breakfast?" Leo felt bad about lying, but he nodded.

"I'm just tired, I guess."

Annabeth nodded, reaching to pick up a large white helmet. "This one'll fit you." She handed it to Leo and looked at him for a moment longer. "Are you sure you're okay? You can take a day off from wallclimbing if you'd like. We can do extra tomorrow…"

"No, really, I'm fine, Chica," insisted Leo, clipping the buckle under his chin. "Let's do this." He turned and strode to get in line, where the person in front of him launched themselves forward. He watched as the lithe girl scaled the wall, leaping to avoid bubbling lava, and nearly falling as the walls shook. Suddenly, a lump rose in his throat.

Could he do this?

A few weeks ago, he knew he could. But now… he felt so… weak. The idea of conquering a wall as terrifying as that when he could barely master his emotions was impossible.

The girl finished scaling the wall, ringing the brass bell in triumph. Annabeth turned to Leo, concern etched in her face. "Are you sure-"

"Yes!" insisted Leo, gripping the first rock on the wall.

"Alright.." mumbled Annabeth uncertainty, "Go!"

Leo pushed off the ground, immediately finding foothold on the wall. He had a few moments before stuff started to get gnarly, and he needed to get as far up as he could. Rock after rock passed his hand as he used his lightweight body and forge-hardened muscles to scale it. The air was hot around him, and he could sense lava beginning to boil down the wall.

His curly hair was plastered to the front of his head, the helmet slipping dangerously. His hands were beginning to itch, which was strange because usually he had the most steady hands from working in the forges all day. He pulled himself up further, muscles burning and sweat streaming down his impish face. His breath came raggedly.

He glanced down quickly, the ground reeling ten feet away. Annabeth was peering up, a slight hand shielding the sun from her eyes. The line of campers behind him were beginning to shift nervously.

"Leo!" shouted Annabeth.

"I know, I know!" he yelled back, turning to gaze at the finish line. So close. He took a deep breath gathering energy to continue on. His feet found hold on the rocks, his legs pushing him even further up the wall. Lava began to gurgle down the walls towards him, sliding like a slinking cat.

Leo leapt to the side, hanging on my a hand and a foot. While lava would not burn him, it _would_ burn his clothes. He had no desire to be left hanging, naked and afraid, on a simmering wall above other campers. He decided to spare their eyes, and did his best to avoid the roaring hotness.

There was poison in his mind as he climbed. Every step that brought him closer to his destination came with another doubtful thought.

 _I can't do this. They probably set the lava on easy. They want to see me fail._

Leo glanced down at the campers.

 _They want to see me fail._

The lava grew even closer, and he was forced to dodge it again. His arms were aching tremendously from the strain, and he knew the walls were going to begin their shaking.

 _I need to go down._

He needed to evacuate the wall, but below him spikes began to rise from the ground. Leo silently cursed the Hephaestus cabin who had designed them. This wall didn't need to be any more difficult. Now he was hanging, arms screaming for relief, while the harsh wind did its best to knock him onto spikes below.

He looked up, reaching an arm to continue.

But suddenly, he was frozen.

The world tightened around him. Lava flowed over his immune hands. He leaned his head against the wall, every fiber of him struggling to hang on to the wall. Horror flooded his mind, rendering him helpless. His arms began to shake, his mind shutting down with fear. The walls began to shake, rattling his bones. He opened his mouth to shout for help, but nothing came out.

He could feel his fingers beginning to slip.

Maybe it would be better to fall. Fall down.

The wind whipped his curled hair into a frenzy. Sweat gleamed on his straining arms, reflecting the orange glow of the lava.

His mind was reeling. The campers below were beginning to mumble with worry. Leo knew he was going to fall.

"Annabeth."

The word was raspy on his lips, but Annabeth must have heard it, for a beat later she was scaling the wall. She wore no helmet, and her long blonde hair whipped in the wind behind her. Her arms pulled her up, closer and closer to Leo. Grey eyes were sharp and calculating as she reached over a trickle of lava and flattened herself to the wall. The rocks shook, trying to expel her. She clung tightly, waiting out the quake before continuing up. Leo's mind was dark, and he was about to let go when she reached him.

Her hands were cool and comforting as she wrapped an arm around him, pressing him against the wall, in a desperate attempt to avoid a tumbling boulder. As it fell and dashed against the spikes at the bottom, she took Leo's face in her hands, looking into his dazed brown eyes.

"Leo, stay with me. What's wrong."

"Ughh" was all Leo could manage to get out.

"Right," mumbled Annabeth. She glanced up at a fresh trickle of lava, slipping towards them. "We need to get down."


	3. Chapter 3

**SORRY! This is gonna be a super angsty/emotional chapter. (I mean, they all have, but...) sorry if you don't like it! I like it XD**

 _The man lifted his hand, the wooden spoon shining slick with blood in the kitchen light. The young boy cowered, hands clamped tight over his neck in an attempt to protect himself. The child could not have been more than eight._

" _FREAK!" the man screamed, bringing the spoon down sharply over the boy's head. Pain shot through the boy's body, and he let out a whimper. "NO ONE LOVES YOU."_

" _No one loves me…" repeated the boy._

Leo closed his eyes and did not open them until Annabeth had lugged him to the top of the wall with moments to spare. As she rung the brass bell, the walls calmed and came to a stop. The spikes retreated into the ground. Through his panic, Leo could hear the campers cheering. It was a dull roar in his mind.

He was sweating and shaking, but even as he was being lowered to the ground with Annabeth, he realized the need to stay strong. The campers could not know about the war going on in his mind. And he had to get away. Get away before the fire that lived within him was released with irrational anger.

As soon as his feet hit the ground, he tore the helmet from his head and threw it into the pile, avoiding the well meaning questions of his fellow campers. He sped past the line of them, feet leaving scorch marks on the ground. Annabeth watched him go, biting her lip.

The woods sped past him, his legs aching as he strived to run faster. Faster. Wood nymphs dissolved into their respectable trees as he staggered on, hands smoldering and leaving whisps of smoke on the breeze. The path twisted in front of him, and he kept his eyes on the horizon.

Had to get to the lake. Had to get to water. Had to find something to stop the fire building up inside of him.

Must… protect… the forest…

The wind tossed his hair, and sweat continued to trickle down into his eyes. His mind was a blur, and Leo did not know what he was thinking. Rage trickled through his bloodstream. Then the trickle became a river, and the river became a flood.

He saw the lake come up in front of him, the windswept waves gently lapping against the water. He leaped toward it, sliding down the bank.

The fire within him raged.

He plunged his hands in the water, but to his elbows.

And he erupted.

Fire burst from his shoulders and forehead, twisting into the sky and crackling with power. But the most fire came from his hands, which were freezing beneath the water. The heat simmered the water, even beneath the surface. It sent clouds of gigantic bubbles flying through the water, sending the bottom of the lake into a frenzied silt viel.

Leo's mind went blank. White with heat. Every bit of him poured into the fire bursting from every bit of him. Trees smoldered. Smoke went up to the heavens in grey plumes. His muscles screamed in protest, and he hunched over like a werewolf trying to transform.

Fire burst from him, sizzling and almost blue with heat. He tried to scream, but all that came out was a bubbling sound.

His innocent, elvish face was twisted in pain and irrational anger. Tears erupted from his eyes, spilling down on his shirt. The water simmered around his hands, the dirt swirling under the surface. Trees around Leo crackled, groaning as they were eaten alive by fire.

He could feel his energy sapping. The fire was taking every bit of him. This time, it was different. He was not controlling the fire. The fire was controlling him.

He lowered his head, using every bit of him to try and stop the fire. For a moment, he feared he would burn to a crisp from the inside out. But it slowly sizzled out, being reduced to faint sparks on his fingertips.

Leo slumped down onto the bank, shoulders shaking. Every bit of energy was drained from him. His head was reeling with sickness and exhaustion. He was so weak he could barely keep his eyes open. But he did, staring up at the trees that he had destroyed. The forest was quiet, beside the roaring flames. Birds had flown their nests, and the nymphs hid deep in the forest. Thankfully, the trees Leo had destroyed were not the homes of such nymphs.

He rested his hands on his knees, ignoring the fire sizzling a hole through his pants.

And suddenly, the silly, sarcastic boy felt small. Tiny. There he was, just lying on the bank, helpless. And he felt as if he had been strong for so long. Too long.

 _You are powerless._

Leo began to cry.

Lying on his back, staring at the destruction he had created. Tears rolled out of his eyes and down his cheeks, splattering the grass. He felt so weak, as if he could not bear to go on. There was no optimism within him. He didn't even have the strength to make a self deprecating joke. His chest rose and fell, and he bit his lip until he drew blood.

He closed his eyes.

Thoughts continued to echo around his mind, dashing against the walls and bursting his eardrums. He wished he could let the thoughts drain from his ears into the soil, but it just didn't work that way.

In the distance, he could hear the fire alarms begin. Percy would be here soon, to bend the water to his will and extinguish the fire.

At least Percy had a use. He saved things. All Leo did was destroy things. Burn things. Fire could not fix, or heal, or quench thirst. It only burned, and when it burned, everyone feared it. It was only beautiful when it was tamed in a fire pit. And even then, before sleep, it had to be extinguished.

Because it was a danger.

Leo knew he should leave. He rolled onto his side, wiping hot tears with the sleeve of his shirt. His head throbbed with pain.

He stood. He had to get back to camp.


	4. Chapter 4

**I know this is a short chapter, but it's important!**

The walk back to camp was excruciating. Not just because of Leo's smoldering legs, and broken thoughts. More so because he saw several pegasus-drawn chariots, armed with buckets of water and demigods with water powers rocketing down the path towards the burnt spot in the forest. Satyrs perched on the back of the wagons, using their pipes to make an alarm. Watching people run to rescue the forest from something he had created pulled at his heart.

One of the wagons passing him had Percy in the backseat. His eyes were urgent, black hair ruffled in the momentus breeze. He stared ahead, but turned to look at Leo as he passed. Within a moment, his expression turned from concern to understanding. Leo didn't know if it was his smoking hair, or burnt fingers that betrayed he was the one who did it.

Or maybe it was the fact that everything he touched was destroyed.

Leo ran the rest of the way back to the cabin.

The cool sheets felt good on Leo's face. He threw himself onto the bed, pressing eyes against his fists until the tears dried. He let out a long groan into the pillow, letting the events of the day repeat in his head. Red flushed his face: a flood of shame. He had shown so much weakness, in front of Annabeth too. Percy would hear about this, and then Nico, and then…

Suddenly, the idea of people knowing how he was struggling repulsed him.

They couldn't know! They couldn't look into Leo's soul, and see the broken pieces of his heart. They might cut their own souls on the shattered remains of his love.

Then, sitting up on his covers, he stared across the room. It seemed as if ghostly trees were moving across the room: images of the forest burned onto his retinas from his fiery tantrum. Rubbing calloused hands over his sunken eyes, he sighed.

What had _happened?_

The room was quiet. The air conditioning hummed placidly in the corner. The faint smell of burnt clothing filled the room, but that scent was always there. Gentle orange light filtered through windows high on the walls. Red curtains were drawn, and one of Leo's cabin mate's radio mumbled a song in spanish from under the bed.

Leo groaned out loud. Every bit of him hurt from the fire, and he felt as if the corners of his mind had been a little overdone in the oven. He looked down at his crooked fingers, mind slipping into deep thought.

Leo had always been the happy, bubbly sort of boy. His friends had always laughed at his jokes, grinned when he was around, and he knew they couldn't imagine him as anything but the optimistic teen he was. And thought that he was changing scared him.

What if, once they saw this newer, darker side of him, they decided to leave him. They'd had enough hurt in their lives already: why would they need another person moping around? Leo rested his head on his hands, heaving a deep sigh. His eyes were burning, and his legs felt like soft noodles.

He needed sleep.

Forge practice was in one hour, but exhaustion pulled heavily at his eyelids. Everyone in camp probably knew about the breakdown now. They wouldn't be too angry if he didn't show up, right? Leo laid back on the bunk, thoughts trailing into sleep.

His dreams were plagued. He should have been used to it by now. After all, every demigod struggled with chaotic dreams. But the ones that his mind hosted that day were broken, and sorrowful, and more painful than he had ever experienced.

 _A boy, hands aflame, reached for a small girl by a swing set. Burns blossomed over her dark skin. Up her arms, revealing white flesh. The boy screamed in horror, turning and running over the wood chips. They erupted in flame behind him. Breath pulsed in his lungs, and he looked up._

 _The foster mother loomed above the boy, eyes harsh and hands clenched by her side. A new feeling gripped the boy. Despair. Turning from the woman, he sprinted to a hole in the fence, slipping through._

 _Suddenly, the dream changed again._

 _The boy was older now. Running crazily down the freeway, on the side. Cars honked and screeched as he pushed onward, flames curling from underneath his shirt. A huge black suburban followed close behind. The man behind the wheel._

 _The man._

Leo woke alone.

Sweat was pouring down his face, lip pooling on his lip. He must have bit it in his sleep. He struggled away from the sheets that wrapped around him, panic rising in the back of his throat. He felt trapped.

He fell from the bed, kicking the blankets away.

Laid out on the floor, he did his best to calm his pounding heart. The room was silent, and he felt alone again. His mind began to talk to him, words twisting in his mind. Standing, he moved towards the door. A digital clock next to his bed flashed the time. 7:09. He was late for dinner.

Leo glanced down at his burnt jeans and smoking shirt. He silently cursed, and turned to his bed. Pulling his suitcase from beneath, he rummaged through his clothes and pulled out another orange shirt and jeans.

Hopping as he pulled on the pants, he made his way to the door.


	5. Chapter 5

**Short, but I needed to post something.**

The pavilion was bathed in firelight as Leo arrived. He could feel all the eyes turn on him, but he was not sure if it was because of his lateness, or what had happened on the climbing wall. Clearing his throat, he walked to the Hephaestus table, hands twisting in front of him with anxiety.

He slid onto the bench next to his sister. His mind was numb, but he turned towards Chiron, trying his best to pay attention. Apparently the actual eating had not started yet, and Chiron was just finishing up the announcements.

"Ah, hello Leo," said Chiron. "We've missed you! I just finished telling the rest of the camp that the fire in the forest today has been taken care of, and nymphs have suffered only minor injuries."

Leo's face burned with shame. Chiron probably had no idea it was him, but hearing his saddened voice was like an arrow through the heart. Leo leaned across the table, glancing at the Poseidon table. Percy glanced back, eyes wide in question. Leo nodded. Barely.

Chiron stepped down from beside the fire, waving his hands to encourage everyone to eat. Leo looked down at his plate of mashed potatoes and felt like throwing up. Swallowing hard, he stood, getting in line to offer his food to Hephaestus. The darkness felt oppressive on either side of him, and he swallowed, staring hard at the ground.

It was his turn at the fire before he knew it, and as he scraped most of his food into the fire, he sent up a quick prayer to his father.

"Hey… Hephaestus- I mean Dad… It's me. I haven't been feeling too well lately... uh…." suddenly, words seemed to abandon Leo's mind, and he quickly moved along the line back to his seat. For some reason, the walk from the fire to the table felt crazily long. His legs felt weak under him, and he took a deep breath to try and steady himself. His siblings didn't even glance up as he sat down, centering the plate in front of him and staring at the cold lump of mashed potatoes.

Heaving a sigh, Leo thumped his head down in his arms. Leo was certain no one looked twice at him when he did this: campers commonly collapsed at the dinner table after a long day of training. If he had been looking up, however, he would have seen Piper gazing concernedly at him from the Aphrodite table.

Clinking plates and silverware were all the sound that could be heard as hungry campers devoured their food.


	6. Chapter 6

Leo didn't remember falling asleep. But suddenly, he was dreaming. This time, though, it was different. Instead of watching a small boy being tortured, he actually knew who the boy was.

It was him.

 _Leo ducked under the table as a soup ladle slammed against the bench, inches from his tearstained face._

 _He was barely ten years old… in fact, his birthday was that very day. Leo had known there was no chance his birthday would be celebrated, so he had retreated to his room and let flames flicker over his fingers, periodically putting out the fire and making a wish, as if his living fingers were candles._

 _It had taken about twenty minutes for his foster father to smell smoke, and come thundering into his room. Leo ducked against the bed, but the flames from his finger spread across the sheets. The man twisted Leo's arm behind his back until pain shot through his entire being. Leo struggled this time: really struggled. Fear was rancid in the air._

" _LEO!" screamed his father, words gruff and drunken. "I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME."_

 _Tears began to form in the boy's eyes, smearing over his cheekbones and shining in the light of the fire he had created. "Yes papa! Yes papa!" he shouted repeatedly, the words feeling wrong on his lips. He should not be calling this man papa. This man was a monster._

" _IF YOU LOVE ME, THEN WHY DO YOU TORTURE ME LIKE THIS. YOU KNOW THE FIRE MAKES ME SAD." Drops of alcohol sprayed from his mouth as he shouted, sizzling in the flames._

" _I'm sorry papa! Papa-" Leo's words were cut off as the man thrust him through the door. The father was ridden with alcohol, his steps drunken and wild, but his grip was still strong, and Leo was so overtaken with fear that he could not think. The stairs loomed in front of him, leading to the kitchen. Panic gripped Leo. There were knives in the kitchen._

 _Thankfully, in his foster father's drunken state, the knives proved too difficult to find. The lights were off, but he managed to get his hands on a soup ladle. Brandishing it above his head, he rushed at Leo, a crazed shout issuing from his mouth._

 _Leo did the only thing he could think of: he thrust his hands forward, palm facing his father, and let fire ripple from his skin. The orange glow burst through the air, briefly illuminating the kitchen with its light._

 _Whether it was his fear, or any sort of scrappy love he held onto, the flames did not fly far enough to do much damage: just to leave the man staggering backward and even more enraged than ever._

 _Leo darted beneath the table, right as the man caught up. The soup ladle bounced off the benches, inches from his face. Leo pressed a stifling hand to his mouth, trying to mask the scream. "LEO," roared his father from a few feet away, "COME OUT."_

" _No… no Papa, no!"_

 _The dream changed._

 _Now, Leo was younger. It was the house he was at before he had come to the one with the drunken Foster Father. But the last one had not been much better._

 _The first thing he noticed in the dream was the course woodchips under his feet. The next, a swing set right in front of him. The sky overhead was overcast, bathing the world in a strange grey glow._

 _Through his eyes, he could see a girl standing beside a swing, eyes wide as she watched. Leo took a step towards the swingset, trying to look as friendly as possible to the girl. Maybe… maybe she would want to be his friend._

" _My daddy says you are a freak," she mumbled as he approached. She stumbled a step backwards, pitch black curls bouncing. "He says you play with fire!"_

" _I'm not a freak!" insisted young Leo, his eyes wide with sadness. "I'm not! I do not play with fire…"_

" _My dad said you burned your dad."_

 _Leo froze up, and suddenly the ground became very interesting. He could not deny that. He had burnt his foster father. But his foster father had bruised him. "I know I did… but he gave me these!"_

 _Young Leo pulled up the sleeve of his shirt, revealing a skin painted blue with bruises. The girl took one look at his arm, and opened her mouth in the loudest scream possible. She wailed so loud that her father, sitting on a bench a few feet away, looked up from his cell and strode towards Leo. The look on his face was familiar: his foster father often wore the same one._

" _I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" insisted Leo, walking towards the girl to comfort her. She only stumbled away, eyes bursting with fear._

" _GO AWAY!"_

" _Shhh… please be quiet, please. Your papa will hurt me!"_

" _GO AWAY!"_

" _Please be quiet!"_

" _GO AWAY!"_

 _The thing that happened next was so horrible that Leo wished he could deny he had done it. But one moment his hands were outstretched in submission, the next, they were blazing bright. He ran at the girl in a desperate attempt to silence her. Watching as the flames licked at her skin, he screamed too. For he did not know how to stop them. They blossomed across her dark skin. She was silent now, but Leo felt fear a thousand times worse than when she was screaming._

 _The flames finally died on his palms, and the young boy turned. Running from the playground, from the distressed father who was gathering his injured daughter in his arms, from the weight of what he had done. Tears streamed freely down his cheeks as he ran to the woods, pushing plants from his face._

 _He knew he would have to return sooner or later to his father… or he could keep running. Just keep running and not come back…_

 _The guilt was beginning to weigh down on him as he truly realized what he had done. He ran faster, the branches whipping at his face._

 _The dream changed once more._

 _This time, he was much older: about a year before he met Piper and Jason. The scene began with him sprinting down a road, lungs burning for air. It was the second time he had escaped from the Home for Boys, and this time he was desperate to be rid of the place. Cars roared past him on the highway, tires flinging stinging gravel into his eyes. He sobbed furiously, black sweatshirt billowing behind him._

 _His curly hair was wet with rain. Beneath his dark sweatshirt, he wore a spiderman shirt: one he had begged his mentor to buy him for weeks. His skinny jeans rubbed against his legs as he ran, chest heaving for breath. He had run for so long, and he knew he should give up, but he couldn't make himself stop._

 _A mere thirty feet behind him, the black van that was supposed to take him home followed him. They knew the drill: wait until Leo runs, and then follow him until he breaks down and can be lugged back to the center._

" _Come on, Leo!" yelled the man in the car, leaning out into the rain. "You're going to be late to dinner."_

 _Leo wanted to turn and scream at him that he didn't care about dinner, he didn't care about being late… He didn't feel hunger: all he felt was hurt, and guilt. So much guilt. Running felt like the only thing that could quench it. He began to cry._

 _How embarrassing. He cried so much._

" _Leo, come on!"_

 _Leo kept running, the cars speeding past him. He struggled on until his legs were burning, and the rain began to weigh down his jeans. He slowed for a moment, turning to stare defiantly at the car._


	7. Chapter 7

" _Leo!"_

 _Anger was starting to boil within him: a passion to escape._

" _Leo!"_

 _But he knew that he could nothing to stop the man striding toward him. Could do nothing to rewind the hurt and the pain. Nothing to ever accept himself again._

 _The man approached him. "Come on, Leo. Get in the car. I knew you would break down sooner or later." The words stung, but Leo suddenly found himself glued to the ground. He couldn't get in that car… he couldn't._

" _Leo."_

 _Closing his eyes, he inhaled. There was nothing he could do. The man's arms folded around him, tugging him back towards the car._

 _Suddenly, Leo was drowning in panic. The man's arm was pressed against his face, the rancid smell of axe spray stinging Leo's nose. He lifted his head and screamed at the passing cars._

But the scream did not carry on past the roaring highway: it instead rang out into the suddenly silent air around the camp.

Leo awoke.

 **The next chapter is going to be very hard for our dear Leo. Hang around.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Dear Readers of this Story,**

 **I wanted to say a few quick things before I post the last part in about an hour!**

 **This next chapter that is going to be posted is a very tough one for me to write. While Leo is a fictional character, I feel as if I should give a word or two about what happened and how to react to it. Everything I've written about Leo is something that can happen to a real person, and has nothing to do with his special powers. He suffers from undiagnosed PTSD and Anxiety and Depression. However, at the time of these happenings, he has no idea he does. So be patient when he believes there is something wrong with him.**

 **I am also warning you not to read the next chapter if you struggle with being triggered by thoughts of PTSD and/or panic attacks.**

 **Lastly, remember that Leo has been hinted at having these issues in a lot of Rick's books, so that's why I felt compelled to write this. (Also, I love Leo, so why not XD).**


	9. Chapter 9

_"_ _Panic attacks are sudden periods of intense fear that may include palpitations, sweating, shaking, shortness of breath, numbness, or a feeling that something really bad is going to happen. The maximum degree of symptoms occurs within minutes. There may be a fear of losing control or chest pain."_

Leo sat up, his lungs gasping for air.

Suddenly, he was launched into a world of fear and despair. Reeling forward onto the table, he felt his hands grip the sides of the table. The dark air spun around him, dotted with the pale light of sparks from the fire and hanging lights. Leo's mouth was open in panic as he struggled to gulp in more air.

His head was going a hundred miles a beat: burning and freezing at the same time. The hard wood table slammed into his head as he fell onto it, eyes closed tight, stomach churning.

The rest of his cabin lept to their feet, eyes wide in shock. They retreated a few steps back watching, watching with horror as Leo convulsed. Tears pricked at his eyes, his curly hair going awry every time he shook it. In the back of Leo's consciousness, he could hear Chiron clopping loudly down from the campfire and over to the table.

The centaur struggled to make it past campers who were beginning to gather in horror. Leo's mind went nuts.

Fear.

Anger.

Self hatred.

Words kept repeating over and over in his head: stupid, worthless, disgusting, inhuman, freak. Everytime he blinked, the image of his father, leering drunkenly above him scarred his memory. He swore he could smell blood in the air, and his knuckles popped as he squeezed his hands tight beneath him. Pain wracked every bit of him as he repeatedly felt his forehead thump against the table.

Fear.

Leo's mind was almost animal with the repeated flashbacks. Thoughts could not find their way together.

Tears felt hot on his cheeks, and he realized he was crying. Sobs accompanied his shaking. He could hear the noise of Piper behind him, but she was too afraid to put her hand on him. Leo's veins popped on his neck, his muscles bulging under his suspenders. He felt disgusted with how he must have appeared to those watching, but he could not help it.

"LEO!" Chiron's voice came over his fear, "Leo, I need you to stop."

Leo tried to choke out words through his tears: "I can't. I can't, I'm afraid." But they didn't seem to come. How absolutely cheesy and embarrassing that the joker boy was facedown on a table, fear running like ice cold water up and down his spine.

"Leo."

Leo could hear movement, and felt Percy's cool hand on his back. For some reason, the touch sent a wave of panic in him, and the image of the orphanage worker carrying Leo back to the car flashed before his eyes.

The broken boy leaned back his head and shouted at the night sky: long, loud, and dark. It ripped from his throat, and he turned to get up from the table. Tears were rolling on his cheeks.

Percy leaned over to Leo, putting a strong, protective arm over his friend's back. This time, Leo relaxed into his grip. "Dude… calm down," whispered Percy. "Come on, get a hold of yourself."

The crowd gathered around the tables mumbled and shifted as Hazel, Piper, and Jason pushed their way through. Annabeth followed closely along with a boy Leo could faintly remember the name of: Will Solace.

Leo's friends gathered around him as Will swung his medic bag on the table. But the blonde-haired boy didn't need a stethoscope to see what was wrong. He had seen so much heartbreak, fear, and panic in his days of working on the battlefield that he recognized the emotions swimming in Leo's eyes.

"Start talking to him," he whispered, stepping back. "No one else, just his closest friends. He's in a state of panic, and he needs encouragement. Calm, kind words, guys."

Leo's friends stared at Will in disbelief. Their friend was having what looked like a possession episode, and he wanted them to talk to him?

Leo, meanwhile, was not fathoming what was going around him. His mind was darkness, and the shouting of his abusers.

A silence settled around the clearing, broken only by the thumping of Leo as he pounded his fist on the table. But then, in the cold night air, a soft voice spoke out.

"Leo," came Hazel's singsong voice. "Leo, you've gotta listen to me." In the dark forest of Leo's mind, the words were a distant echo in the stars. But he knew he heard something.

"Leo, I need you to wake up. It's just a nightmare."

"NO, NO NO NO," came Leo's desperate cry. "He's going to hit me! I'm sorry, papa. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Sorry. Sorry."

Hazel exchanged a worried look with Percy. The son of Poseidon felt a sudden surge of protectiveness against whoever hurt his friend. Hazel spoke again, louder and clearer this time. "Leo, wake up."

"I won't go back to the orphanage! I won't, I won't. I swear I won't be a bad boy anymore, don't send me back! I'm not a freak, I can control it. I can, I can!"

"Leo!" This time, it was Jason's voice. Whether or not it was years of being praetor that put the edge of command in his words, or simply his demeanor, Leo fell silent for a moment.

"Jason?" he spoke shakily, eyes filled with tears as he peered up at his friend.

"Calm down, Leo. We love you. You're fine. There is no one here to hurt you." The boy's blue eyes flashed with sincerity. "Whatever is going on in your head, I can promise you that it is not here, and you are safe."

"Yes, Leo," added Piper. "Safe. Stay with us."


	10. Chapter 10

Leo finally began to come to his senses as he was led by Piper away from the group of people. His hands continued to shake, so he pressed them tightly against his jeans in an attempt to hide the trembling. He felt suddenly out of place, and could feel eyes on his back as he left the pavilion. Jason walked beside him, shoulders squared as if he dared anyone to mess with his unstable friend. Leo wanted to push Piper's hand off his shoulder (he didn't need her sympathy) but he was too weak, and it comforted him a little bit.

The night sky was dark over his head, and he could barely make out the path through his tears. Percy and Annabeth walked a few feet in front of him, talking in urgent whispers. Hazel was brushing angry tears from her eyes: they gathered on his eyelashes, clumping them together. Leo's legs wobbled under him as he stumbled forward. He stared hard at the ground, confused as to where they were going, but too disoriented to ask.

Turns out that Jason was leading them to Zeus's cabin. It was large enough for all of them to sit and talk, and Jason knew no one there would bother them. There were perks to being an only child. They reached the great cabin after a long walk in the dark. Jason stepped inside onto the cool marble floor. Two great stone eagles leered down at Leo as he entered the building. He brushed his hands against the doorframe, comforted by the solid feeling.

"In here, friend," said Percy, leading the distraught boy to a nearby bed. Leo sat down heavily, promptly burying his head in his hands. The friends gathered around Leo, nervously watching him as he took a deep breath.

"It's quieter in here, Leo. You can talk: only we will hear," mumbled Annabeth kindly, brushing a length of blonde hair away from her face. Her stormy eyes shone with concern for her friend. "Are you here with us Leo? Can you hear what I am saying?"

Leo nodded numbly.

There was silence in the room until Leo stopped crying, and got himself together enough to speak through his sadness. "Thank you," he said into the cool, dark room. Hazel leaned a sisterly head on his shoulder, breathing deeply. There was another moment of silence before Percy spoke up.

"What was going on in your head, Leo?" the question hung stiffly in the atmosphere of the room. Leo's head remained bent down, the last of his tears dribbling off his chin and onto his lap. He took a deep, shaky breath. No one thought he was going to answer, until he did.

Leo lifted his head and spoke in a voice that reminded of ghosts: "I was there again."

"Where?" prompted Percy.

"Back home… and they were hitting me. My father, he was hitting me. He called me a freak! I am a freak!" Tears began to slip from Leo's eyes again, but he took a deep breath and attempted to organize his thoughts. Even saying that bit about his father, and what had happened, felt as if it had released a mound of pressure building in his chest.

"He hit me every night, and every time that I accidentally lit a fire on my fingers. He would use anything he could- he could grab." The image of the soup ladle flashed before Leo's eyes, and he squeezed them shut, taking another shaking breath. "I lived in constant fear, and I started wetting my bed at night." The more and more Leo talked, the more he remembered, and the more ashamed he became. "I can't believe I did that. I was such a loser. Such a messed up loser." He twisted his tanned hands around and around, the friction warming them.

A tear burned hot on his eyelashes.

"No, no, Leo…" spoke Piper. "You aren't a loser. Not at all Leo, if anyone was a loser, it was your father. He broke you, he brought you to this. Foster father or not, he was an abuser. He was hideous.

Piper spoke with such conviction that Leo almost believed her. He could tell it wasn't charmspeak: she truly did believe that his foster father was a monster. But Leo's loyalty for the only sort of father figure he had ever known continued to burn. He didn't feel… right talking this way about the person who had taken him in when no one else would.

"But he cared for me. That's what he told me." Leo's words were accompanied by his voice squeaking.

"Leo," said Hazel, laying a cool hand on his. "I don't think you know what love is. Love is protecting someone, no matter what they do. Love is seeing someone and feeling like you are witnessing beauty. Love is not beating people who you don't understand, and destroying beautiful thoughts. Leo, he did not love you."

" _Leo, he did not love you."_ Those words coming from Hazel's mouth was like a hammer, shattering the chain that held onto Leo's heart. To hear someone tell him with utmost certainty that his father did not love him, injured Leo's doubts. For years, he had told himself that he was not loving his father enough. That he was ungrateful. But when Hazel said that he really hadn't loved Leo at all… Well, it was hard to explain.

The group of friends spoke long into the night, listening in horrified rapture as Leo described every detail that he had hidden within him for so long. He felt like a dam, bursting out tears and secrets, and it felt so good. So good to know he was not alone anymore.

Finally, at the end of the night, when everyone had red eyes and sad smiles, Leo concluded his stories. "I've hurt so many people, guys. I've destroyed so many relationships, I'm annoying, I'm ADHD, I'm insane. I don't know why you guys keep the ugly "freak" around with you anymore. I'd be better off… better off somewhere else. Away."

"Leo. Leo, you are loved and safe here. We've been through so much: we've literally defeated mother earth." Jason said the words with a rusty voice, as if he was on the verge of tears. "How can you look at yourself and believe you are worthless? You've saved me so many times. You piloted that ship around the world. Right guys? Leo is not worthless."

The rest of the group began to agree, words rolling off their tongues.

"We love you Leo."

"We're here for you."

"You're not alone."

"Leo, you're perfect the way you are."

Leo closed his eyes tight, blinking back tears. He let the words of those who cared wash over his broken spirit. He didn't believe all they were saying… not yet. That would take time. That would take healing. That would take many more long nights and emotional talks.

But in this moment, Leo could feel the wounds on his heart start to close. And the night didn't seem so dark, because now he knew he had the flames to light it.

 **This is not the end.**


	11. Chapter 11

_(This is my second time writing this because the last draft got deleted :/)_

Okay, so the chapter you just read before this was supposed to be the last part of the story... Except I feel kind of bad leaving Leo on this note. I feel like I should continue it, but writing down about his whole recovery would take chapter... upon chapters... upon chapters... PTSD is not an easy thing to recover from, if you ever recover from it at all. So I'm not sure if I have time to continue writing this story the same way, but I do have a few ideas.

1\. What if I wrote chapters based on the other character's reactions to seeing their friend's brokenness. Like Piper, and Jason, and Percy? This was suggested by a kind reader (thank you!)

2\. Okay yeah, that's the only idea I have. Any more would be GREATLY appreciated!

Also, if you guys are inspired by this piece and want to continue to write the story on your own document, go ahead! I'd love to know I inspired someone.

 **A few more things:**

I need a cover image for this story. If there are any artists/editors out there who would like to contribute, I'd dedicate a chapter to you :-)

 **Finally, I want to say this:**

I really hope anyone who read this story was affected/inspired/or truly enjoyed it. I don't have many followers or fans yet, (lol) but to know I helped someone would really make my day! I love reading all your amazing reviews, and never be afraid to point something out that I do wrong :3 I won't get mad, I promise. Anyways, yeah YOU GUYS ROCK. If you ever feel like Leo, or Reyna in my other fic, don't be afraid to tell people! It helps! Even if the person you tell is me, you should get it off your chest. Depression, Panic Attacks, and PTSD are serious things. Never bully someone who may suffer from them! (Don't bully anyone in general please.)

 **Have a great day, guys :)**

(READ MY OTHER FIC: STARLIT. IT'S ON MY PAGE.)

OKAY THAT IS ALL BAI

 _l-/_


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